Bliss
by BoothBonesLover1
Summary: Post ep 4x07 oneshot. Bliss. Shock. Anger. Melancholy. Silence. Bliss. Exploration of the circle of emotions/thoughts/feelings Elena deals with in the aftermath of her decision to sleep with Damon. Definitely has lemons :)


**Holy crap. This was an intense little writing session! I just word vomited this all out today, and I couldn't stop. Like usual, this 'one shot' is loooooonnnnnnggggg. Like 13,000 words, but hopefully, you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was a... release. This is me sorting through all my emotions of 4x07. I don't have a beta, so try to forgive any errors I might have made ;)**

**The idea for this story actually started in the middle, with Caroline/Bonnie/Elena, and that whole conversation, and then just took of from there. I was just rolling around in my brain, and I couldn't get rid of it. Hopefully, now that I have this out of my brain I can move on!**

**Again, as with most of my stories, they are wordy. You'll see when you get to Elena's outburst in the middle, and even though it may be slightly out of character for her, I don't think it is in this circumstance, I think it's just her letting it all out, saying what she has to say, trying to get someone to understand her. **

**Hopefully you enjoy this, and hopefully you enjoy it enough to leave me a little something at the end :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with TVD, otherwise 1) 4x07 would have happened at 1x01, and it would be an hour every night of Damon/Elena sex. :)**

* * *

**bliss.**

Blunt teeth gently nipping at my earlobe pull me out of my deep sleep and into the early morning haze. My eyes flicker open to take in the daylight before drifting quickly closed again – I'm not ready to leave my warm and comfortable cocoon. I feel soft, warm lips press against my neck, then teeth lightly scrape against my jugular, and I shiver at the sensation, a breathy moan escaping my lips before I can stop it. My body has experienced so much pleasure in the last 12 hours that even with my vampire stamina, I'm not sure I can handle any more.

"Elena…" I hear Damon's voice softly calling to me, and I can't help but smile as I feel his arm slip firmly around my still naked body, pulling my back flush against his warm chest. I can feel him hard against the small of my back, and I swallow hard as I feel a jolt of lust shoot through me, despite my exhaustion. God, this man makes me feel things I didn't know existed, that I had never imagined I would feel, that I can't deny I feel – even in the harsh light of day. "Wake up sleepyhead."

I groan in protest and exhaustion, shaking my head, my eyes still refusing to open. "No way…"

Damon laughs, an honest to god, actual laugh, and it sounds gorgeous and different, and oh-so-rare coming from him. I crack open one eye and I see his face looming over me, those icy blue eyes sparkling, his sinfully soft lips quirked up into a smile. I can't help but smile back at him, blushing a little as his eyes hungrily sweep down my uncovered chest. His hand reaches out to trace a line from my jaw to down between my breasts, and he's a little tentative at first, but when I shiver at the feather light contact, goosebumps breaking out in the wake of his finger, he continues with more purpose, ducking his lips down press a few wet kisses to my breasts before laying his head there, pillowed against them, waiting for me to wake up fully.

With a little effort, I manage to crack my other eye open, and I reach my arms up above my head, stretching like a cat. I can feel every muscle coming alive. I purr contentedly, and I pull Damon's face towards mine, finally fully awake, and desperate to taste him again.

Our lips meet softly, sweetly, in a way that's so different from the desperate, needy coupling of our first time the night before, but I feel the same undeniable fire and spark ignite inside of me as his tongue sweeps into my mouth, dancing with my own. God, this man can kiss. Who am I kidding? This man can kiss, lick, suck, and fuck like I've never even imagined… and as much as I tried to deny it, I definitely had spend some time imagining what it would be like.

As he rolls us over so he's on his back, and I'm on top, still attached at the mouth, I kiss him a little more desperately, my hands fisting in his soft black hair, keeping his mouth slanted against mine just that way that I want it. He tastes like heaven, he really does - he's spice, and bourbon, and a twinge of coppery blood, and all of these things that I can only identify as Damon, and he's delicious. I can even taste remnant of myself on him left over from our more…intimate activities. I want to stay here, with him, forever. I could live here, I know it. I straddle him in an instant, and pull him up so we're face to face, my legs wrapped around him, and I can feel him against my lower lips, hard, warm, throbbing, alive, and I want him so badly, despite how many times we had each other last night. I was never this dominant in bed as a human, and I don't know if it's just because I'm with Damon, or if it's because I'm a vampire, or some combination of both – but Damon was right in what he said last night, I have never felt more alive. Either way, whatever the reason, I can tell Damon loves it because he growls lightly in the back of his throat and thrusts gently against me, the friction on my clit causing electricity to spark through me and a needy half moan/half exultation tearing from my lips. I'm addicted to him, to this feeling, I swear.

"Fuck, Elena, you are so incredibly beautiful," he chokes out, pulling back from me for a moment, locking eyes with me, and I am momentarily shocked as I see his eyes shimmering with the threat of unshed tears. They are filled with emotion, all of the thoughts and feelings about everything that's happened over the past 12 hours humming between us. I can feel tears spiking behind my eyes as well as I look into his deep icy blue pools, overwhelmed by what I see. He pulls in a ragged breath before he speaks again, "I know that you can't say it now, but god, Elena, I love you, so, so much…"

At his words, my face breaks into the biggest smile, and my undead heart practically skips a beat. I am _so_ happy here, in his arms, wrapped around him in this early morning haze. Like, unbelievably, insanely happy. I can't even begin to try and sort out all of the things this incredible man makes me feel, all of the emotions that are swirling throughout my mind right now. Damon is…perfect for me. That's all I can think right now. He is sarcastic and angry and loyal and unpredictable and he always puts me first and he's a martyr if it means he can protect those he loves and he has the biggest and most beautiful heart that I have _ever_ seen, and he loves me. Me. Even after everything, he loves me. A few tears slip down the side of my face, and he gently kisses them away, before dropping his lips back to mine for another achingly sweet kiss.

"Damon…" I whisper, pulling away from him a fraction, and I can hear the emotion thick in my voice. "I - "

_Knock knock knock._ We both look up, startled, as someone knocks rapidly at Damon's door, and Damon curses quietly.

"Damon? We need to talk. Now." I gasp in horror as I hear Stefan's voice through the door, and I can see my feelings clearly reflected on Damon's face before his eyes snap to the door. In and instant I am completely and utterly still, more than I have ever been in my entire life, I don't move a muscle. I have no idea if Stefan knows I'm in here, and I desperately don't want him to come in, especially not when I'm wrapped around his brother in a decidedly less than platonic embrace. There's no way for him to read this as anything but exactly what it is. I'm not ashamed of what I've done with Damon, not by any means, but I don't want Stefan seeing what is quite possibly his worst fears come to life. I take Damon's face gently in my hands, and turn his head so his eyes are looking back into mine. I shake my head from to side to side slightly, hoping he'll get the signal that I don't want Stefan to come in – although I'm sure he feels exactly the same way and doesn't need me to tell him. He nods, he gets it – he knows.

"Give - give me a minute, Stef," Damon starts, and he has to clear his gravelly throat before continuing. "Can I meet you in the parlor?"

There is silence on the other side of the door for a minute, I can practically visualize Stefan's face as he thinks through what's going on in here, and I continue to hold my breath, my eyes still locked with Damon's. Finally, Stefan responds, his voice deep, tight. "Uh, yeah, see you in a minute."

I relax a little as we hear Stefan's footsteps disappear down the stairs, and I feel myself letting out the breath that I don't need and didn't realize that I was holding. Damon holds his finger up to his lips to signal me to be quiet and I nod, starting to climb off of him, but he pulls me back to him suddenly, and crushes his lips desperately against mine. I can feel the uncertainty in his kiss, the fear of breaking out of this perfect little bubble we have created in the last 12 hours. His hands knot themselves in my hair, and press against my back, pulling me as close to him as physically possible, and I kiss him back as hard as I can before pulling back, taking his face in my hands, and leaning in for a gentler, more tender kiss.

I hold his eyes with my own, my thumbs stroking his cheeks gently, and I lean in again, pressing my lips softly against his, willing him to feel everything I'm thinking.

"Relax," I whisper to him, at a volume I'm sure only he can hear, even with the other eavesdropping vampire in the house, "I'll still be here at the end of the day, I promise."

He nods, though I can still see the uncertainty in his eyes, and I don't blame him, not even for a second. We've been through this song and dance before, over and over - not quite to the same degree, but I've disappointed him every single time, and I'll be damned if I do it this time.

"I promise, Damon," I implore him to believe me, and he nods, smiles at me, the corners of his mouth turning up just a little before he pulls my forehead down to his lips softly.

He maneuvers me off of him, and I sit there, in the middle of the bed, naked as the day I was born, and completely unashamed, as he moves about the room around me, looking for articles of clothing that he can use – articles that I didn't rip off of him in my fit of crazed lust the night before. The thought of the way his shirt got destroyed pops into my head, and a smile breaks out on my face unbidden, and as I look at Damon smiling as he pulls on yet another black t-shirt, I know he's thinking about it too.

He quickly pulls on his jeans from the night before and moves to the door, stopping to give me a small smile before disappearing down the stairs.

* * *

**shock.**

I slip into Stefan's room as quietly as I can and I breathe a small sigh of relief as I see an overnight bag from a previous visit sitting in the corner. My bags from last night are still downstairs, sitting in the foyer where I left them before Damon and I got… distracted. I wonder for a brief moment if Stefan noticed them, and what he took from that. I grab the bag and tiptoe as quietly and stealthily as I can to the guest room next to Damon's room. I shower and dress quickly as I can, tossing my hair up in a messy bun without drying it, and I glance at my phone. I have three missed calls from Caroline this morning, and 5 texts from her over the course of the night.

I shake my head in disbelief, and a little worry, and I flip through them quickly.

_Elena, can you call me?_

_Elena, I need to talk to you about something important, did you get my last text?_

_Are you there? I really need to talk to you, call me? Please?_

_Good morning, you better have a good reason for not answering my texts! Call me, now!_

_Hello?_

I let out a frustrated sigh, and open a new message to reply to her.

**Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I was so tired yesterday, it's been a crazy couple of days, and I totally crashed out early, I just woke up! What's going on?**

I don't even feel guilty for lying to her about what I was doing last night, because I know that Caroline is not even close to being in the right frame of mind to hear what I have to say about the new developments in my relationship with Damon.

Unsurprisingly, her response is almost immediate. That girl definitely uses her vampire speed to type.

_That better have been some crazy ass sleep! Bonnie and I just got to the Grille to have lunch. Meet us here? We'll talk when you get here?_

I don't want to go. I really, don't want to go. I want to march downstairs, grab Damon, pull him upstairs, rip his clothes off, and just spend all day getting lost in that glorious body of his, worshipping him and being worshipped in return. Great, now I'm turned on again! I really, really, really don't want to go.

I have to go. I know I do, really. After the spat that Caroline and I had yesterday, I have to extend the olive branch, and I know Caroline, if she wants me to go to lunch with her and Bonnie, then she'll make it happen some way or another, whether I'm really willing or not.

**Fine. Give me 30 minutes. **

Again, her response is instantaneous.

_We'll wait :)_

I slip my phone into my pocket and make my way out of the room, taking a deep, unnecessary breath to calm my frazzled nerves. I do _not_ want to walk down there and face Stefan right now. That might in fact be the very last thing on earth that I want to do right now. He'll know what I've done. He'll be able to tell, I'm sure of it, and I don't want to see his face as it radiates with disappointment and disgust at my actions.

I stop at the bottom of the stairs, mustering up the courage to walk towards them, my ears finally tuning into the conversation the two brothers are having. My blood runs cold.

"You're taking advantage of her, Damon," I hear Stefan say, fury distinctly lacing his voice. I'm not sure I've ever heard him so mad. What are they talking about? Taking advantage of who? Me?

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! How am I taking advantage of her, Stefan?" I hear Damon respond angrily, and I can almost feel the waves of emotion rolling off of him and out of the room. I can tell he's offended that anyone would suggest he take advantage of _me_. That means it must be me that they're talking about then.

"I told you already!" I hear Stefan spit back, venom in his voice, "You made her feel these things, you've made her a different person, you made it so she's not even the same person she was before she was sired to you!"

I instantly feel stunned, appalled, and terrified as the word 'sired' seeps into my brain, and I find myself in the parlor, in front of Stefan, before I have even realized that I have moved.

"What the hell are you talking about, Stefan?" I spit out, and I'm sure I'm shooting daggers out of my eyes, straight at him.

"Elena, calm down," he starts, and it pushes me over the edge, and before I know it, I have my hands wrapped in his shirt, and I have him pulled to his feet in front of me as I snarl at him, my vampire face breaking through as I lose control. I can feel the veins spreading across my face, and damn does it feel good to let them out. I sense Damon standing behind me, unsure yet of whether or not he should intervene. Stefan tries to back away a bit, and I can see in his eyes that he is scared – really scared – of the vampire I am being right now. Neither of them have ever seen me this angry, and I am yet again an Elena that Stefan doesn't know how to deal with – common theme of the last few weeks. "Elena, Caroline and I are 99% positive that you are sired to Damon, and that's what is causing your… 'different' behavior - "

I don't even let him finish his sentence. The moment Caroline's name leaves his lips, I throw him back down onto the couch, and I flash out to my car before either brother can react.

* * *

**anger.**

"Sired?!" I hiss, storming up to the table that Bonnie and Caroline are occupying in the corner of the Grille.

I am so angry, so full of rage, that I feel like I can barely see straight enough to get to my destination, despite my super sensitive vampire sight. I drove here like a woman possessed, and quite frankly I'm surprised I didn't kill someone. "You think I'm fucking _sired_ to him? That's your explanation?"

"Elena…" Caroline implores softly, quickly realizing by my out of character foul language the severity of my anger. Her gaze darts around and takes in the rest of the Grille to see if anyone has noticed my behavior before it snaps to me as I throw my purse on the table loudly. She at least has the decency to look a little worried at my uncharacteristic behavior, and Bonnie can't even muster the courage to look me in the eyes, keeping her own gaze steadfastly looking at her hands on the table. "Just…please calm down, Elena, let's talk about this. _Please_."

I angrily slide into the round booth next to Bonnie, who quickly scoots into the middle spot, definitely closer to Caroline than she is to me, and I am left staring eye-to-eye with the blonde vampire Barbie who I currently find myself wanting to impale with a pointy wooden object. "Calm down, Caroline? You want me to calm the fuck down? I am so furious with you and Stefan right now that I can't even – ugh!"

I close my eyes and breath in and out deeply, fighting to keep the spidery veins that I can feel threatening from spreading across my face. _One…two…three…four…five deep breaths…_ I gradually feel the sensation dissipate, and I open my eyes to see Bonnie and Caroline warily looking at me, unsure of what to do with my outburst.

I stare at both of them in turn, not wanting to be the first to talk, and waiting for a response, waiting for an apology, an explanation? Caroline opens her mouth and quickly closes it again, blowing her cheeks out as she exhales deeply, and I can practically see the wheels of her brain turning, obviously trying to come up with a plan of attack. Despite my fury with the two of them, seeing her look so flustered does give me a brief moment of dark amusement. "What, you have nothing to say to that? Nothing at all?"

Bonnie seems to pull on her big girl panties all of a sudden, and she looks up at me, her face serious, "Elena, we care about you, and we want what's best for you. Don't bite Caroline's head off because you don't like what she has to say, she's just telling it like it."

"Like it is, Bonnie?" I huff, her words pissing me off even more, "How would either of you know what this is like? How would either of you know what I'm going through?"

"Elena," Caroline interrupts, pulling my gaze back to her, "We're your _best_ friends, we've known you our whole lives – you _have_ to know that we don't want to hurt you! We want you to be happy, we want to help you before you do something that can't be undone - "

I snort loudly, causing her to break her train of thought, and I let the words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Something that can't be undone? Like what, Caroline? What is it that you are so worried I'll do? Break up with Stefan? Give in to Damon? _Sleep_ with Damon? That's what you mean – isn't it?" I take a deep breath and pin them both with my gaze. My next words come out in a mock whisper and I take perverse delight in sharing this little tidbit of information. "Newsflash, ladies – you're too late. Done, done, and most definitely done."

Caroline looks like I've punched her in the gut, and Bonnie chokes back a gasp. Caroline glances around the room quickly before leaning over the table towards me. "Are you telling us you _had sex_ with Damon?"

I nod, my cheeks flushing slightly as the image of him writhing underneath me as I rode him to completion flashes through my mind. The table is totally silent as my two best friends in the whole world process the fact that I did the forbidden – had sex with the man that they despise. I take a second to rub salt in the wound. "More than once."

"Wow," Bonnie whispers softly, her eyes full of sympathy as she reaches across the table to take one of my hands in her own. It's nice to have her comfort, I hadn't expected it from her. "I'm so sorry Elena." My eyes snap up to hers, and I pull my hand back in a flash, shocked at her words.

"Sorry? What?" I ask, disbelievingly, "Why"

"This has got to be so much harder for you to process now that you know that it only happened because you're sired to him," Caroline says gently, much to my horror, "That he took advantage of the sire bond to get you to break up with Stefan and sleep with him."

I gape at the two of them, open mouthed, with a look that I'm sure was is coming across as half-crazed and utterly stunned. I can't even process what Caroline is implying – no, not implying – straight up saying. That the only reason that I slept with Damon is because he made me? That he made me break up with Stefan? I shake my head slightly, and I feel the tears burning and threatening to fall. I am so angry and upset on Damon's behalf. How can everyone but me view him this way – as this _monster_ that has no shred of good in him? How is it I am the _only_ one who sees him for who he really is?

"What is wrong with you people? Is that what you think I'm upset about?" I ask, and I can hear my voice is scratchy, the tears starting to leak from my eyes. "You think I'm upset because he made me do these things and now my relationship with Stefan is ruined?"

Neither of them say anything, just nod, that infuriating look of sympathy still present in both of their eyes. I can't decide if I just want to get up and leave them or if I want to have it out with them, put it all out on the table, right here, right now. Deep down, I know I won't leave, not until I've tried to talk them through it, because more than anything, I want their support in this. I want my 'sisters' on my side in this. I want to be able to lean on them, cry on their shoulders, talk through my anger – the same way I did with Matt and Stefan. I want to share with them how elated I was last night, how blissful I was this morning.

"I can't believe you two!" I finally choke out, and to my horror, without warning, I feel the whole angry, wet, messy deluge of tears start to fall in earnest. "You want to know how I feel? You really want to be there for me as friends? I _need_ the two of you right now! On my side! Can't you see that? I want to be able to sit at lunch with my two best friends, telling them that I finally got what I wanted! I finally ended things with Stefan, and that I moved on!"

I sob loudly, and Caroline tries to shush me gently as the bartender glances uncomfortable in our direction. I push her attempt at comfort away and continue my tirade. "I want to sit at lunch with my two best friends and tell them that I finally gave in, and that had the most amazing night of my life with a guy that I have a crazy, wild, unreal connection with, and I can't do that." I heave brokenly, slumping into my seat. I feel so alone here with the two of them, I feel like there's miles and miles between us, like they don't even know a fraction of who I am anymore. "You two are so desperate to think that there must be something wrong with me. That Damon is so despicable, that for me to feel something for him means that I need to be fixed?"

It's Caroline who speaks first, which doesn't surprise me - Bonnie is team 'neither Salvatore', but Caroline is most definitely 'team Stefan'. What does surprise me is the tears streaking down her face in response to my rant as she reaches across the table to grasp my hands firmly in hers. "Elena, can't you see it though? You've been _different_ since you turned, and your feelings for Damon have only been here since you turned." I shake my head at her but she forges on. "You've said over and over that it would always be Stefan, _always_, and you've been a vampire for what, a few weeks, and now suddenly you want Damon?"

"No!" I earnestly cry out in protest – how can she have it so wrong? How can I explain to them misguided they are? How can I make them understand?

"Have you guys forgotten the past year? Stefan left! He left me! And who was there for me? Damon. Who did I spend every day with? Damon! Who kept me from going off the rails as my boyfriend turned into a ripper? Damon! Who dragged me out of bed every morning and got me to school? Damon! Who dropped everything in an instant the very second that I needed something? Damon! Who was the one person who could make me happy, could make me laugh, could make me forget everything else that was going on in the world? _Damon!_" The tears stream down my face even harder and my heart clenches as I realize all the reasons that I fell for Damon over the past year. He was amazing, he was there for me in a way that no one else, including the two girls sitting across from me, have ever been.

"Elena, I'm not saying that Damon doesn't love you," Caroline answers, squeezing my hands in hers. Bonnie scoots towards me in the booth, and I tense as she wraps her arm around my shoulder in an effort to comfort me. I can feel me skin crawling at her touch, but I don't shrug her off, and Caroline continues, "Anyone with eyes can see that Damon loves you, what we're saying is that you didn't love him back. You didn't. _You don't_."

I snort with derision at her words and open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand to shush me as she continues to talk. "You pushed Damon away and you told him that it was still going to be Stefan, that it was _always_ going to be Stefan. Every time he dragged you out of bed, you were in there because you were depressed about Stefan being gone. Every time he dropped something to come to you, it was because you needed help with finding Stefan. You _chose_ Stefan, Elena. Remember? Just a few weeks ago, Damon asked you to choose, you thought they were dying, and you chose Stefan!"

Caroline's eyes are bright with tears, and despite the shaking of my head, she presses on, "And now, all of a sudden, you've changed your mind? As if your feelings from before don't even matter? Something is wrong, Elena. Something is really, really wrong, and I just don't want to see you get hurt!"

I breathe in a shaky breath, looking up into her earnest eyes, and I can truly see that she is not doing or saying any of this to hurt me. The intent is pure. She believes she is right. She believes that they are right, her and Stefan, and that I've changed, that I'm different. Am I different? She's trying to save me, in this Caroline way of hers. I shouldn't be angry with her, I really shouldn't, but I just want her to believe me. I hear her, I hear what she's saying, I hear how ludicrous it sounds when it's put into words. I fight for Stefan, I want him back, I get him back, I choose him, we break up, I immediately fall into bed with his psychopathic older brother – but it's not like that, and I _need_ them to try and understand. I breathe in and out again, deeply, my eyes slipping shut as I try to quell the tears, and after a minute, I open them up again, feeling slightly calmer. I reach across the table to them, palms up, hoping that they take it as a sign that I'm not going to strangle them with my bare hands at midday in the middle of this public restaurant.

"Caroline, Bonnie," I start gently, squeezing each of their hands, "I love you both so much, you have no idea how much. The two of you look out for me, and I can't thank you enough for that, really. You have seen me through so much more than we ever thought could happen, and I can never repay you for that, and I want the two of you to always be in my life. I know that we are meant to be friends, that we were put on this earth to support each other through all of this shit that has happened in the past few years, and I can't thank you enough. I need you to know that, truly…"

Both of them smile at me through their tears, taking my heartfelt words to hear, and I can see that they think that they are starting to convince me, so I continue on, "I need the both of you to listen. Not to talk, just to listen to what I have to say. Stefan and I – what we had was epic…"

Caroline nods in earnest, clearly pleased with the start of my speech, and I hold up a finger to stop her from interrupting, "It was epic – and epic is not always good. I met Stefan and I fell for him, fast, immediately. I was desperate, alone, I wanted to be loved so badly, and I wanted someone, something, different."

"Stefan was all of those things. I told Damon, on the night that I made my choice, that if I had met him first, it would have been different, that I had just met Stefan first. Here's the thing though, I didn't meet Stefan first – I met _Damon_ first, and he practically compelled me to fall for Stefan - "

"What?" Caroline chokes out, and I manage a small chuckle at the look of total shock that crosses her face at my revelation.

"The night my parents died, I met Damon." Both of their eyes are wide and I decide to lay it all out there, everything. Every last moment. "You guys have no idea - it was electric, magical, I was drawn to him immediately, and him to me. I wanted him instantly, and we talked, and we flirted, and then my parents showed up, and Damon compelled me to forget the whole thing. He compelled me to find a love that would consume me, he compelled me to find passion, adventure, and even a little danger, and I wanted it, so badly, it ate at my every thought, and when I saw Stefan, it was if I was drawn straight to him because he fit all of those things that I had been compelled to seek out. He was the first person who was different. He was passionate, he was adventurous, and even a little dangerous, and it was if I couldn't even help it – I had to fall for him. I fell for him before I knew him, as if I didn't have a choice."

Caroline looks like a fish out of water, her mouth keeps opening and closing, and Bonnie just looks totally stunned at my story, and it feels so good to cleanse these thoughts from my brain, to unload them to someone else, to stop them from staying bottled up inside me. I've never told anyone this, that the more I think about it, the more I think that Damon stupidly set me up to start my relationship with his brother. "It was epic, for a while, it was everything that I thought I wanted, and then, suddenly, it wasn't."

"But…" Caroline whispers, and I look at her expectantly, waiting for her to argue, to say something profound, to ask an insightful question, but then she turns to Bonnie for help, and Bonnie just shrugs helplessly, motioning for me to continue.

"When we met Damon, when I met Damon, he was a fraction of himself, a fraction of the man he is now. Angry, bitter, psychotic, focused on all of the dark parts of vampirism that he used to entertain himself – and even then I was inexplicably drawn to him. We all were!" Caroline starts to protest, and I pin her with a piercing look that stops her in her tracks.

"Caroline, yes, he used you, it was horrible, unforgivable, disgusting. He snapped my brother's neck in a fit of rage for god's sake! I know, _I know_, the things that he did, I know the ways that he hurt each of you, the ways that he hurt me, but through all of that I was _still_ drawn to him. I dreamt of him, I wanted to be around him, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to make him feel better, I wanted to spend time with him."

I take a deep breath, calming my frazzled nerves, "And I _buried_ those feelings. Do you get that? Buried them so deep down so that they wouldn't see the light of day, even as he was becoming more and more the man I wanted him to be, that I begged him to be, I buried them so I wouldn't betray the love that I shared with his brother."

"I have spent over a year so focused on the relationship that I was trying to be loyal to, that I was trying to repair – that I barely even recognized what was happening to me. When Damon was dying of that werewolf bite, I kissed him, on his death bed. Did either of you know that?" They both shake their heads silently.

"I was terrified, absolutely terrified out of my mind that I was going to lose him, that I wouldn't be able to live without him, and it wasn't my place to be terrified. He wasn't mine, I wasn't his. I was supposed to be with his brother! One kiss, I told myself, one kiss to show him that even though I was fighting it as hard as I could, there was something there. I couldn't let him die not knowing that he was right, that there was something between us, something so strong I wasn't sure how I was going to survive if he was gone." I shudder, memories of my fear and despair from that night resurfacing. I've never talked to anyone about the way that I felt that night, not even to Damon.

I take a deep breath and continue, "When Katherine came with the cure, telling us that Stefan had traded his life for it, you know what I thought? 'Thank fucking God'. How terrible is that? I was thankful that my boyfriend had just traded his life away for the man I was lying in bed with, the man I had just kissed behind his back, the man I was supposed to feel nothing for. The man that told me that he loved me so much that he had to set me free, that I needed to be with his brother because he didn't deserve me!"

I capture Caroline's eyes with my own, forcing her to see the truth of what I'm saying. "Do you want to know why I fought so hard to get Stefan back? Yes, Caroline, I love him. How could I not? He was a big part of my life, and I love him, but I didn't just fight to get him back because I loved him, I fought to get him back, because if I didn't get him back, I was eventually going to have to give into Damon, admit what I felt for Damon, and then I would be _betraying_ the man who gave his life to save his brother, who I was still technically in a relationship with, and what kind of girl would that make me?"

The tears start again gently as I think through my emotions of this past summer. "I'm horrible, despicable, terrible, and I let myself fall for Damon more and more every day even as Stefan was out there, trying to break free from Klaus! The guilt haunted me every day! Every single day! Til finally, we let him go, Damon and I, we let Stefan go, and for a brief minute, I thought we were going to be okay. That Damon and I would be able to move on, without the guilt of my relationship looming over our heads, without the love he has for his brother looming over our heads."

"We kissed, and it was beautiful, and perfect, and I felt like I was finally going to break free of the remnants of the relationship that Stefan and I had, and then suddenly, he was back." I shake my head in disbelief, still somehow unable to process that fact that the moment I had let him go was the moment he had decided to come back to me.

"Stefan was back, he was normal, he wasn't the ripper, and just like that, everything I had fought so hard for had happened." I look at Bonnie, and she is weeping, and she reaches out to grasp my hand, and this time, I let her. She's starting to get it, she saw me after that kiss with Damon this summer, she knows I'm not lying, and suddenly, I'm grateful that she's here, I'm grateful that she's listening, that she's _trying_.

"Do you know what that feels like?" I ask, my question directed to Caroline, "To have fought and fought and _fought_ for someone, and then when you get them back, you realize that they're not everything that you wanted them to be, and how you remember them to be, and that while they were gone, you allowed all those buried feelings and thoughts for someone else to bubble up come alive?"

"Do you know what that moment is like when you realize that you still love them, but not nearly in the same way that you used to, and that it may never be the same again? That you've allowed yourself to feel things for someone else, and that by doing this you are betraying the person who rescued you, who brought you back to life to feel these things in the first place? Things that are so powerful that you don't know how to make them go away? Do you?" I hold Caroline's gaze until she shakes her head in answer to my question.

"That's where I was, Caroline, that night on the road, choosing between Damon and Stefan." I'm suddenly sobbing again, reliving that horrific night, and Bonnie curls her arms around me while Caroline still looks on in shock, tears streaming down her face.

"I broke Damon's heart that night, choosing Stefan, but I had to. I had to try and make things up to Stefan, let him know I was thankful that he had fought for me, I had to let him know that I had to give him another chance. Do you think Stefan didn't know? He's known, for a year, that this was coming, that we were all fighting it, with everything we had in us, to stop it from happening. I didn't – don't – want to hurt either of them, but Stefan knew."

"He sent us on that stupid trip to Denver to try and figure out what was going on between us, and you want to know what happened? You want to really know what happened?" I question, allowing my mind to resurface the memory of my back against the concrete pillar, Damon's body wrapped so tantalizingly around mine, "It was like an explosion, I felt like I was on fire, totally and utterly consumed by Damon. I couldn't resist, and I was so drawn to him, the need to be with him was so overwhelming, if Jeremy hadn't interrupted us, this conversation wouldn't be happening, because I would have slept with him right there and then."

I steady my voice, and continue, "I don't regret what happened between Damon and me last night. Not even for a second. I don't feel guilty about it - not even that it happened the day after Stefan and I finally ended things. Deep down he and I both know that we were just holding on by a thread, that we were just delaying the inevitable, and if this 'sired' theory is Stefan's way of trying to be okay with our break-up, for trying to understand how I could be with his brother, then fine, I'll deal with Stefan – we'll deal with Stefan."

"I need the two of you to understand, I didn't just change my mind from the choice I made three weeks ago. The choice I made was wrong, and I made it thinking that both of them were going to die within a few hours. I chose the safe choice, the choice that was expected of me, the choice that made me feel better about my guilt, about my emotional and physical betrayal of Stefan. I made the choice that would try to let him see that I was attempting to pay him back for everything that he did for me."

We're all silent for a minute. Bonnie and Caroline are processing, and I can't believe I just let all that verbal diarrhea come tumbling out of my mouth. It feels good though. It feels so good to share with my friends how Damon has changed my life, and it's the thought of Damon that propels me to finish what I want to say.

"_Everything_ is different now. Everything, and sired or not sired, I have felt things for Damon Salvatore for a long time, things that I shouldn't have felt while still dating his brother, but the feelings were there none-the-less. Since I turned, all I can think about is him, who he is, what he feels like, how much I want to be with him, when I'll hear his voice again, how safe I feel with him, how I want to crawl inside of his arms and never leave. You may think that means I'm sired to him, and shit, maybe I am, who the hell even cares? But all I know is this - I was desperately in love with Damon Salvatore _before I turned_, and I'm even more hopelessly in love with him now."

I let out a huge rush of breath, feeling light, and free, and I feel like I've just had the weight of the world taken off of my shoulders. I grab my purse, and chuckling inside at the absolutely stunned faces of my two best friends, I waltz out of the Grille.

* * *

**melancholy.**

The first thing I see when I exit the front door of the Grille is Damon, and god, is he a sight for my sore, sorry, and puffy eyes. I stop in my tracks as I take him in, every heartbreakingly sinful inch of him. His Camaro is parked 20 feet away from me, he's standing before it, dressed in his customary head to toe black (could he be any hotter?), and his mouth is wide open in shock, eyebrows furrowed a little. He's looking at me like he can't decide if he's happy, sad, elated, or furious. I want to jump into his waiting arms, attach my mouth to his, and never let go.

It's only after Stefan literally walks in right front of Damon, breaking our line of eyesight that I realize that Stefan is there at all, and one look at his face tells me everything I need to know. The two men in my life may or may not have heard everything I had to say in the Grille – I had _a lot_ to say in there, and it took a little time – but they were here for the part that mattered, and their vampire hearing ensured that they heard every single incriminating, self explanatory, love confessing word.

Stefan looks…completely and utterly broken. Devastated. Crushed. Lost. Can I blame him? The girl he fell in love with, the girl who swore she'd be with him forever, me, has just admitted that she loves his brother, that she has completely and irrevocably moved on from him. There's no turning back from that. The relationship with the three of us will never, ever, ever be the same again. My heart clenches painfully for him, wishing that there was some way I could just take his pain away, even though I know there really isn't. I am part of its cause, I can't really be a part of its solution.

My eyes flicker back to Damon, and he is watching me with a schooled, blank expression on his face now. I recognize this face, the face that he puts on when he's trying not to let himself get disappointed. I cringe as I realize that he is really not going to like what I'm about to ask, but I need him to trust that what I said this morning still remains true – I'll be there with him tonight. I walk up to Stefan, stock still, five feet away from me, the expression on his face making it clear that he has no idea what to do right now. "Damon, I think Stefan and I need to take a walk, okay?"

Both of them look confused, surprised, by the words I just spoke, and Damon looks more than a little hurt, almost causing me to change my course of action, but I know that I need to do this. He narrows his eyes at me as I walk up to his brother, who is standing stone still as a statue, obviously unsure of what to do. I smile at Damon, trying to convey in my eyes what I feel – I'm not changing my mind, I'm not going back to Stefan, he has nothing to worry about. I'm not sure if he receives my visual message, but he leans back against his precious car, arms crossed over his chest as I turn to Stefan, motioning for him to follow me, and he doesn't follow us, just watches as we walk away.

We walk in complete silence, away from the Grille, away from the center of town – away from Damon. I hadn't had any idea of where I wanted to go, but as we come up to the cemetery, I realize that I had been intending to come here all along. This is where I put things to rest. This is where I bury things that are meant to be in my past. This is where I get closure. The realization makes me…wistful, sad, like I want to cry again, but I feel as if I don't have any tears left in me.

Stefan has been dutifully following me, not making a sound the entire time, but I can feel him tense, brooding, uncertain behind me, and when I stop in front of my parents' graves and turn to face him, he stands there, still silent, a stony look on his face.

I sink to the ground in front of my mother's grave and take a deep breath, mustering up the courage to say something – though I have no idea how to make things better between us – or even if I can.

"I'm sorry." I look up at him, my eyes hazy with tears (guess I did have a few left), and I just look, unsure of what else to say.

I can see him start to break inside, it's like I can literally see him start to fall apart, and his breath catches in his throat as he takes in my words. He's silent for another moment before he speaks, "Sorry for what?"

I chuckle mirthlessly, thinking over the long list of my sins. "I'm sorry for _everything_, Stefan."

I reach up my hand towards him, and after hesitating a moment, he takes it. I pull him down onto the ground in front of me and we sit face to face, knee to knee, my parents' graves watching from beside us. I'm barely able to look at him, and he is looking at me with a mixture of curiosity, disgust, and sorrow. It makes my heart break for him just a little more, even though I didn't think that it was possible.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you so badly, Stefan," I start, my voice hitching again, "I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to be the person you wanted me to be – needed me to be. I'm sorry that I betrayed you, that I allowed myself to fall for someone else, that I fell for your brother while I was still with you. You don't deserve what I did to you, Stefan, not at all, and I'm sorry. It doesn't change anything, but I'm so, so sorry…"

I see a tear fall from his eye and hit the top of his tightly clenched hands – thanks to my vampire vision, I see it with perfect clarity, and it's like a knife to the chest. All that guilt that I wasn't feeling this morning while I was wrapped around Damon is certainly making itself known now. I think again to how terribly I've hurt him, and I'm reminded by the misery I see in his eyes.

"Elena," he starts, his voice shaking a little, "I wasn't trying to make you angry this morning, I just really think that you should listen to what I have to say…"

I sit back a little, alarmed at the fact that I know he's about to bring up the 'sire bond' theory that he and Caroline came up with. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know it, I don't want to even acknowledge its existence. Like I told Caroline and Bonnie earlier, sired or not sired, I had feelings for Damon long before I became what I am today.

Stefan seems to take my silence for acquiescence, because he starts his explanation, "Elena, I love you, and I have done some unforgivable things, I practically drove you straight into Damon's arms, but I want you to remember that, through all of this mess that we're going through right now, I love you, and I will love you forever. I will never stop fighting for you. You know that, right?"

I stare back at him, completely unsure of how to respond to his declaration. I feel nothing…nothing except for anxiety. Nothing that I should feel when the man I've been in love with, and who I was working desperately to bring back to me is confessing his eternal love for me. It makes me feel nothing, except sadness, pain, misery…for him.

He's still waiting for me to respond, and when it's clear I'm not going to, he swallows and continues. " You have been…different? I'm not sure how to describe it, but you have definitely been different since you turned, and I think that this sudden interest in Damon is a side effect of the difference…"

I start to protest, but he barges on with his thoughts, "When you turned, Damon said to us that you should drink blood fresh from the vein, and voila – you can only drink fresh from the vein. This is completely unnatural, I've never known a vampire who couldn't keep any other blood down. When Damon asked you to kill Connor – voila, you killed Connor. When you're upset about anything – feeding, your brother, our problem of the minute – Damon steps in to tell you not to worry, he has it under control, and voila – you listen to him. You are connected to him in a way that I can't explain, and I think he's taking advantage of you, and that if you're not careful, you're going to do something you regret…"

He looks absolutely devastated as he relays his thoughts to me, and I instinctively reach out to grab one of his hands with my own, my compassion getting the better of me. I want nothing more than to be able to completely take away his pain, to make him forget that he ever knew me – hell, that he ever knew any of the Petrova doppelgangers. If only that were possible – could Klaus compel it away? No, I banish the thought instantly. Stefan covers my hand on his with his other hand, and squeezes tightly, with a desperation that speaks of a man who is just barely holding on to something, trying so hard to keep it close. We're both silent as I think through what he has just said to me, as I process the reasons why he thinks that Damon and I are sired.

They…make sense? He has a point? As much as I don't want to admit it, and as much as I want to just play this off as some asinine theory that he's using to cover the pain and hurt of me falling for his brother, I can't. I can see some truth in what he's saying, I really can.

Does it matter, thought? Really? I think back to everything that I said to Bonnie and Caroline when we were sitting at that table in the Grille. All the reasons why my relationship with Stefan is over, why I know – _know – _that Damon and I are good together. Why I know that the feelings that I have for him are not random, sudden, out of place. What if I am sired to him? Isn't that eternity's way of making sure that I am happily, unbelievably, wonderfully in love for the rest of my unnatural life? I know what I feel is real; I can feel it in every pore and nerve in my body. I know it – but does Stefan? Obviously not. Does Damon? My heart sinks as I realize that no, he probably doesn't. Our track record tells him that me actually choosing him is highly unlikely, and whether he wants to admit it or not, I know he's probably sitting somewhere right now with a thousand dollar bottle of bourbon trying to bury the feelings of uncertainty and inevitable rejection that he thinks he's about to face. He's steeling himself up to be prepared to see Stefan and I walk back into the parlor, declaring our love for one another.

My heart breaks for Damon – more than it does for the vampire that's in front of me, the vampire who's desperately trying to get me to understand that I'm making a horrible mistake, that I what I think I feel is just an illusion, a trick, and that I'm giving up our epic love for something that isn't even real.

Without thinking, I lift my hand to trace the hard line of Stefan's jaw, and he leans into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed at the intimate contact, and I pull my hand away abruptly. I have to be strong, I have to tell him – really tell him – exactly how I feel, exactly what I'm thinking, whether it hurts him or not. I can't lead him on, not anymore.

"I slept with Damon." The words come out harshly. Harsher than I had intended. I had been trying to let him down gently.

Stefan's eyes snap open in an instant and are boring directly into mine, as if he's hoping to see that I'm lying, that I'm telling some sort of gross mistruth, that this is some kind of joke – even though we both know I'm not. He stood outside Damon's door this morning, I know he knew I was in there. I know he could smell me on Damon the moment Damon went down to talk to Stefan this morning. You can't have sex for twelve hours straight and not leave some sort of evidence that a vampire can pick up on. I bet Damon reeked of my scent.

"I'm sorry Stefan, I really am, but it's not like we both didn't know this was coming," I whisper, dropping my eyes from his, my fingers dropping to snap a blade of grass next to me. I can sense him nodding slightly, and I glance back up at him again, seeing resigned acceptance on his face.

"I know, Elena," he murmurs, his hands lifting to run roughly through his hair. "I heard _everything _you said to Bonnie and Caroline earlier. I know we knew it was coming, I know it was basically inevitable – it just doesn't make it any easier to see…"

I nod in understanding, in sympathy, in pity. "Stefan, I loved you, I really did. Don't ever think I didn't." I lean towards him grasping his hands tightly in my own. "You were an incredibly important person in my life, and I wish that I wasn't hurting you the way that I am now – I just don't know how to be who I need to be and not hurt you…"

He nods almost imperceptibly, but I catch it, I can see the air shimmering with his movements. That's the problem with this heightened sight – I can see everything; every movement, every flinch, every frown, every smile, every tear, every shuddered painful breath.

"I loved you, and although I still love you, I haven't been _in love_ with you for a while, Stefan," I admit, and surprisingly, given my track record today, I hold the tears back.

"You're in love with Damon," he says simply, without preamble, although I know it takes everything he has to force those words out.

I don't agree with him, I don't deny him. He knows it, I know it – it's fact. I just smile a small smile, lean in to kiss his forehead softly, rise from my seated position, and walk away.

* * *

**silence.**

I sit by the falls, totally still, totally silent, totally alone, and I revel in the simplicity of being here – of not talking, of not explaining, of not hurting anyone with my actions – just being. I've been here for four hours, just staring at the water, watching it cascade down the water hewn rocks and plunge into the icy pool below. The pool reminds me of Damon's eyes – stormy, turbulent, serene, beautiful.

I think through the conversations that I have had today, the information that I have shared today, that things I have told people today, and it occurs to me that there is one thing that I haven't said yet that desperately needs to be said. I rise gracefully from my position and head for the boarding house as fast as I can.

* * *

**bliss.**

When I get to the front door, the scene is so similar to the night before that I almost do a double take. Stefan and Damon are both there, Stefan clearly having just descended the stairs, but this time, Stefan has a bag packed, and when he looks at me, he can't look me in the eyes.

"I'm, uh, going to crash with Caroline for a while," he mutters, and he brushes past us, eyes still not meeting mine, quickly making his way outside to his car.

Damon and I look at each other, and I am suddenly nervous, shy, completely unsure of how to say what I came here to say.

He's looking at me with that same careful expression that he used earlier, and the impersonality of it cuts me to the quick. I caused that. I caused this doubt, this uncertainty in him. How can I fix it? How do I let him know that he is not a mistake? Not something I'm trying to sweep under the rug?

I gather up my courage, and before I can second guess myself, I slam the door shut, and I push him back against the wall, my lips crushed against his in a searing kiss. I hear and feel him moan involuntarily against my mouth, and I sweep my tongue against his forcefully. My knees almost buckle as he fists his hands in my hair, pulling my head to just the angle he wants to kiss me in that way of his that makes me practically melt inside. I want to weep for joy at the feeling of having him pressed up against me again, and I press myself in closer as he slips a knee between my thighs.

He pushes me away, and I begin to whine in protest until I feel him move and he whizzes us backwards and into the parlor. I feel him pressing me down into the couch that we were sitting on last night, where we were talking before we started dancing. He attaches his lips to my neck, to that spot that makes me go weak at the knees and become light headed, and I can feel his fangs scraping against the side of it, causing a rush of hot wetness to rush in between my thighs. I can sense that he is on the razor's edge of control, that he's been driving himself crazy all day while I was gone, and he doesn't know what this means. Is this a booty call? Is this real?

I feel his finger tips brush the top of the blouse that I'm wearing, and before I know it, I hear a tearing sound, and everything – blouse, cami, and bra – are ripped in half, tossed aside, and I am completely exposed to him. I let out a haggard moan as he nips and sucks and licks my newly exposed breasts, and when he locks his lips around one erect nipple, I almost come at the sensation.

"Fuck, Damon…" I moan, writhing against him, feeling his t-shirt against my skin, and it occurs to me that it is completely unacceptable that he is still completely clothed. I reach down to grab the hem of his shirt, but I am surprised as he growls lowly in the back of his throat, and bats my hands away. Surprised – and really turned on. That sound he made, ugh, I could live forever just listening to that.

He stands up next to the couch, and quickly lifts his shirt off, displaying his perfectly muscled abs and chest to me. I swallow hard, the sight of it still sending electric bolts straight to my core. This man is perfection. Utter and absolute perfection. I quickly rise to my knees and lean forward, my hands grasping his forearms, and my lips attacking his chest, licking, sucking, and biting anywhere I can.

He sucks in a ragged breath and hooks his hands under my elbows, hauling me up so that I'm standing on the couch in front of him, looking down at him, and then he pulls my face down to his forcefully, our chests mashing together, our teeth clashing at the violent coupling.

I can feel his desperation to have me, to be the one that I choose. Last night, he was too caught up in the fact that he couldn't believe I was actually choosing him. Tonight, he's in the reality that he's had me, more than once, and he's not ready to let me go. He's out to claim me, to mark me, to brand me, and I am more than willing to let that happen.

I pull back after a moment, to catch my breath (my body can't get used to the fact that it doesn't need it), and to capture his face between my hands. He stills, looking up at me, me looking down at him, still standing on the couch before him, and I let my spidery veins spread out across my face, unable to hold them back any more.

"Take me, Damon," I breathe at him in a low, needy, frantic voice that I barely recognize as my own, "I'm yours. Make me yours…"

"Fuck, Elena…" he groans, and he hauls me against him, my still clothed core coming into hard contact with his. I can feel him hard, throbbing, desperate against me – just as I'm sure he can feel me wet, dripping, a million degrees against him. I wrap my legs around him as I attack his neck with my teeth, nipping, scraping, biting - my fangs dropping as he rushes up us the stairs to his room.

He drops me back onto his bed and has my jeans off in a flash, quickly followed by my panties. I watch with hazy eyes as he holds them up to his nose and sniffs deeply, his own fangs dropping and veins spreading as he takes in the intoxicating smell. I think my eyes roll back into my head at the sexy sight, and I hear my gravelly, aroused voice moaning, "Shit Damon, you don't know what you do to me…"

He smiles wickedly down at me, tosses the panties aside, and spreads my legs roughly, his mouth dropping immediately to my soaking wet core. I cry out in pleasure as I feel his tongue swipe against and then suck my clit, and I feel waves of electricity begin to spread through me as he circles my clit over and over again, alternating his methods, using his teeth to gently scrape against my sensitive bud. I collapse backwards on the bed, the sensations almost to much – so much more than when I had sex as a human (because of Damon? Because I'm a vampire? Both?) For what seems like the millionth time today I almost want to cry as I feel two of his long, perfect, immaculate fingers slip inside me, stretching me, filling me, I'm so, so, so fucking close, and in seconds, I can feel my orgasm building and building and building and then –

"Oh, shit Damon," I cry out, unable to hold in the exclamation, and I am overtaken by that glorious weightlessness that comes with orgasm - I am pulsing and flexing and clenching and flying, and I see actual stars behind me eyes as he continues to gently lave me with his tongue while I come down from my high. He slips his fingers out of me, and I hear myself actually fucking whimpering at the loss, and relax back into the bed, feeling boneless in the aftermath of my orgasm.

"Elena," his voice is deep, dark, full of lust, arousal, and despite the fact that I just fucking came, I can feel the fire starting in my belly again. I open my eyes and see him standing there, naked, glorious, god like. He's absolute perfection. How did God let such a perfect angel fall down from heaven? How is this creature here on earth for me? How can I let him know how absolutely perfect he is?

I sit up and reach for him pulling his lips to mine frantically, needing to taste him, needing to taste myself on him. Funny how I used to think that tasting myself on Stefan's lips was dirty, gross, and tasting myself on Damon's is addictive, sinful, wonderful – I can't get enough of it - the taste of Damon mixed with the evidence of my pleasure.

He crawls on top of me, and I lay down, pulling him with me, feeling his weight resting fully on top of me, his erection pressed hotly against my stomach. We fit against each other perfectly, like we're puzzle pieces mad just for each other, and I wrap my legs around him as we continue to devour each other, keeping him pressed against me, right where I want him.

He pulls back, and I whimper at the loss of his lips against mine, but quickly become distracted as I take in the immensely erotic sight of his cock sliding against my glistening lower lips. I can't believe I'm looking, can't believe I'm watching him as he moves back and forth, amazing sensations flickering through the both of us. He's watching me watch us, and I know that he's aroused by my excitement, by my attention, by the intense fascination I have with watching the two of us as we're about to be joined. He takes himself in his hand (oh god, so fucking hot), and I watch as he pushes into me slowly, and I stop breathing completely, the sensation of being filled completely and wonderfully stopping all rational thought.

Damon's trembling groan tells me all I need to know about how he's feeling as he pulls out of me slowly, and than slams back in, surprising me with the force. I cry out as bliss rockets through me at the contact, and I lift my hips to meet his thrusts, the two of us quickly setting a bruising rhythm, one that I would have been unable to sustain as a human.

I'm lost, totally completely and utterly lost in the sensation of Damon thrusting and pounding into me over and over and over again. Heaven? Utopia? Complete and utter completion? That's what this feels like, this connection we have. He rolls us over in the blink of an eye, and suddenly I'm on top, I'm in control, and this position has me sinking down onto him even deeper, my clit rubbing against his pubic bone in a way that makes me sigh in what I can only describe as ecstasy. I bounce up and down, feeling him thrust into me powerfully on every down stroke, and I can feel myself getting closer and closer to another release with every thrust, and when he brings one hand up to my breast to knead it roughly and one hand to my clit to rub his thumb against the sensitive nub, I almost lose it.

I reach down and forcefully pull him up against me, so we're in the same position we were this morning, only this time, I'm happily impaled on him. He catches my face in his hands, and I look into his eyes, seeing the endless depth of arousal, lust, and most of all, love, shining back at me.

God, I love this man. I am totally, absolutely, out of my fucking mind in love with him. I bare my neck to him, as a sign of submission, of offering. I've tasted his blood, it was 'personal', it was beautiful, and now it's time for him to have mine. I want to seal this bond, I want him to know he can have whatever part of me that he wants, that it's his to have for the taking.

His eyes widen at my show of skin, but I bring my hand up to the back of his head, and I draw his face down to the column of my neck, watching as his spidery veins spread and pulse in excitement. Our hips slow their movements as his lips press softly, wetly, to my neck, hiding the razor sharp fangs underneath, but a moment later I feel them – a slight sting as they slip into my skin, and then…

Fuck...this is unreal. As I feel the first pull of my blood flow into his mouth, I convulse around him, the stars from my earlier orgasm back behind my eyes, and I slip into the euphoria of my second orgasm of the night as it hits me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, shit, Damon," I wail not-so-softly, unable to control the flow of words escaping my mouth. I'm just reacting to the pleasure, and at the second pull of blood, the sensations heighten even more, leaving me lost to it all, "Fuck, oh my god. Oh my god, Oh my god! So so so fucking good, Damon!"

He thrusts into me in time with the pulls from my neck – once, twice, three more times, and then I feel him release into me, pulling his head back from my neck as he squeezes his eyes tightly closed, his orgasm capturing him. "Oh my god, Elena, I love you so much, you have no idea…"

We collapse back onto the bed a moment later, still connected, still wrapped around each other, and I look at his face lying on the black sheets next to mine. I have never seen him look so… content. His fangs have retracted, the veins are almost gone, there are traces of blood (my blood) on his chin, and he looks ethereal. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I reach out to stroke his cheek with my hand, my touch light, gently, loving. "Damon, I need to tell you something…"

I can almost see the darkness threatening to take over, so I plunge ahead before he has a chance to run away from me. "I love you Damon…"

I see the darkness in his eyes stop, the tension that had been taking over his body just stop, and so I say it again. "I love you. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry that it took me this long to say, and to see, but I do. I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I want to be here with you forever."

He looks so torn between being elated and devastated and I can't tell why until he speaks, "But, the sire bond…"

"Fuck the sire bond, Damon," I exclaim, in earnest, desperate for him to believe me, "Did you hear what I told Caroline and Bonnie earlier? In the Grille?" He nods. "I meant it, Damon, every last word that I said. I've been falling for you for a _very_ long time, and vampire or no vampire, cure of no cure, sire bond or no sire bond, I loved you before I turned, and I most certainly love you now."

He has tears in his eyes. My big bad, beautiful, psychopathic, crazy, amazing vampire has tears is his eyes at my confession, but the smile on his face is the biggest I've ever seen, and it sets my heart aflutter. "When you left earlier, I wasn't ever sure I was going to get you back," his voice hitches as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I promised you this morning that I would be back, remember?" I remind him, and I snuggle into him as he wraps his arms firmly around me, protecting me, cradling me, loving me. "I love you Damon, and there is no place in the world that I would rather be…"

I look up to see his face, and I know that I'm telling the absolute truth. Everything that's happened in the past year has brought me right here to where I'm supposed to be, and as I realize that I'm starting my forever, I have one overwhelming emotion –

**bliss.**

* * *

**Yup, so there it is, out of my brain (yay!)... thoughts?**


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